So, you wonder why relationships fail, personally and professionally?  Obviously, there are MANY reasons depending on the situation, but here’s one I wanted to talk about.

Find out what their needs/wants are.  Plain & simple.  Seems easy enough, right?  Well, sometimes, not so much.  People are creatures of habit.  We tend to do what is comfortable for us and many are resistant to change.  We live in a “What’s in it for me?” kind of society.  If everyone made one small change I believe many things would turn around.

Here is one change:

The trick is to listen and observe the other person in the relationship.  Find out what makes them tick.  Sometimes you may have to ask. What does the other person want/need from you?  Once you have a greater understanding of this, do your best to give it to them.  And, in the event of fair play, the other person should be doing the same for you.

We tend to give other people what WE need, and not necessarily what THEY need.  Then, we get frustrated because they seem unappreciative or are not producing as we think they should be.  So we give them MORE of what we need and unknowingly, we create a vicious cycle….we give, they don’t appear to improve or reciprocate, so we give more of the same and the same behaviors continue, until finally we stop giving altogether and we give up.

A simple example:

I have some personal friends who prefer to communicate thru Facebook or messaging.  They have their reasons, but I prefer the phone.  I have tried calling and calling them but get nowhere.  I was getting frustrated and my feelings were hurt because they were not answering the phone, or worse, not returning the messages I was leaving.  On the same token, if they want to get w/me they should call me.  A text can go unseen by me for hours.  You must adjust your behavior depending on whom you are relating.  Discover what the other person needs and act accordingly.

Finally it clicked; When I want to connect with them I have to do it thru Facebook or messaging.  This is not MY
preferences, but it is THEIR’s and we now have an established process of communication.  For some of those friends, they will most likely never call me on the phone, even tho that is MY preference.  Is that fair?  No, but sometimes people don’t put themselves in other people’s shoes and sometimes they just simply forget to.  That’s OK, too.  I have to come to terms with that and accept it.  It doesn’t meet one of my needs, but we have to be flexible in relationships.  They may not be able to meet my telephone need but they may be one of the few who send me inspiring and uplifting notes…so they meet a different need.  Each one is unique and different from any other.  We have to be flexible and welcome our differences.

Some people are visible while others are audible.  Some are touchy-feely and others are stand-offish.  You have to figure out what makes them tick, what drives their bus and tune into that.  Figure out how to give it to them.  Find out what drives them, what their desires are and act accordingly.  You will be amazed at how much more positive things become.

PEACE

Pamtastic