Most parents will agree with me here, yet some may not. If you are a parent you will put your child(ren)’s best interests above your own – in most areas. This means no more regular weekends drinking, dancing, and partying at the clubs. No more sleeping all weekend, every weekend. No more ‘everything for you’. No more coming and going as you please. You have games to attend, practices to go to, activities to juggle. They need clothes. They grow – A LOT. They need food – A LOT. They don’t necessarily need your money, altho it is needed to cover all the things they need. Children can be and are money pits. LOL Not that it is wasted money; I mean that they require money to be spent ON them. It’s a fact of life.
The most important thing to children is YOUR TIME. They need to feel that they matter to you. They need to know that they matter to you. They need to have a sense of importance in your life. If you have very little money to spend on activities, that’s OK. I totally understand and can relate to that. It sucks, but it’s OK and you can still let your child(ren) know how much they matter to you even if your funds are minimal. Spend time with them doing things they enjoy or things that are important to them within your financial means. Easy-peasy.
When you cannot attend your child(ren)’s activity because of work or an appointment or some other “important” thing, that’s OK. But it’s only OK if it’s the TRUTH. If it’s not the truth, then you are “telling” your kid that they do not matter to you. THAT IS UNCOOL.
I have always told my child that he can call me ANYTIME when we’re apart and I will ALWAYS take his call. I’ve been in church, municipal meetings, or even the occasional movie theater where they say “please turn off your phones”. Uh, no thank you. I will put my phone on vibrate or a very low ring volume but I have a child and when we are apart he may need me, therefore I am on call and available to him 24/7 – 365. No exceptions! Same goes for my spouse. I have always taken my husband’s calls no matter who I was on the phone with – unless I was on the phone with the hospital or now the nursing facility regarding my Mom’s health. But by & large, I make myself available to everyone who needs me. Same with some of my friends.
People want to feel that they matter, especially children. Children are our future. I know you are busy. We all are. But we have these young humans that depend on us for most things. Sure that dependency reduces as they mature, but they should ALWAYS be a priority in our lives. We are their parents. They are our responsibility. It’s up to US to raise decent, law-abiding, compassionate & loving citizens of the world. I can’t imagine ever putting my child on hold – unless it’s something silly.
Don’t get me wrong. I am not talking about dropping everything in a moment’s notice for every whim your child(ren) have. That is NOT what I mean. I am talking about being available for your child(ren) and making them feel a sense of belonging and importance in your life. Their self-esteem, confidence, and sense of importance come directly from those closest to them during their formative years – AND BEYOND.
So, be there for your kids. MAKE them a priority. Be certain, without a shadow of a doubt, that they KNOW their importance in your life. I know my son does – even when he’s punished and “hates” me in the moment – he knows how much I love him and that he IS a priority.
As a child of divorce whose father was nonexistent in my life, let me tell you that it doesn’t take long for a kid to realize their position on your list of priorities. Just a few times of them feeling that they don’t matter to you and they know the truth. And reversing that truth is next to impossible for the parent. In many cases, once the damage is done it is extremely difficult to reverse. Remember the crumpled paper scenario – you can never return it to its initial wrinkle-free state. Consider this your fair warning.
PEACE
Pamtastic
