Lip service & Lies…what are your thoughts?
Do you ever do these when you don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings or you just feel “desperate” to get out of something or be non-committal?
MY THOUGHTS: NO. It’s NEVER a good idea to speak or do things that don’t feel right deep within your core being, under the guise of being agreeable and not hurting someone’s feelings. When you do this, all you are doing is postponing the inevitable and you’re probably gonna hurt them anyway. Just know that when you put off telling someone the truth, the pain they experience later can be far more severe and can leave deeper scars actually creating trust issues within them regarding you or maybe even the people they may meet in their future.
SIMPLE EXAMPLE: Say someone invites you to a gathering/party and you haven’t been feeling yourself – depressed, overwhelmed, you have the “oh woe is me” blues – do you accept the invitation knowing you are gonna probably call to cancel as the date gets closer or do you tell them at the time of the invitation how you’ve been feeling and that you most likely will not attend?
Personally, I do the latter.
1 – by and large, I am unafraid of other people’s opinions of me,
2 – they may be able to relate to what’s happening in my world and offer me some sound advice, and
3 – I don’t want to set them up for possible disappointment later as their party date gets closer – they will have enough going on without being disappointed in me.
That may not be the best analogy, but hopefully, you get the picture. Don’t worry, here’s another example…
GENERAL EXAMPLE: If you are married or a partner in a committed relationship and find yourself super attracted to a person other than your spouse or significant other, you should discuss the situation with your partner. yes, it will be difficult and it can go badly. But, it’s NEVER a good idea to just step out on someone. When you do “step out” on someone, you will find yourself lying all the time, covering for your whereabouts and feelings of disconnection. You have to develop a great memory to keep everything in order.
1 – that is the coward’s way of life and
2 – choosing this behavior will set up your partner to endure possibly lifelong trust issues with all future people who truly do want to become one with your partner. You will be creating a negative chain of events in the lives of others simply because you are “afraid” to admit the truth in your own life.
MY ADVICE: Grow up. Do the right thing. Be the adult we claim to ‘teach our children’ to be. If it’s not something you can commit to or continue committing to, even if it’s a business decision or an appointment for lunch with a friend, just BE AN ADULT and TELL THE TRUTH – without blame, without excuses. Of course, you apologize for hurting them. Be compassionate that what you’re telling your partner or the person in the situation MAY and most likely WILL hurt them, but NOT as much as it would if you lied to them or continued on in deceit or just flat-out blew them off. Situations change, people change, sometimes even deep-rooted feelings change.
Know this: Most people are forgiving of others and if given a truthful opportunity, you may be surprised at the reaction you get – depending on the situation, of course.
Disagreements and disappointments are gonna happen in life. Setbacks will happen in life. Heartbreak will happen in life. It’s all a part of life. The secret is to be honest when things happen and be mature enough to be true to yourself, as well as the other person. Truth – it does a body good!
Go ahead, give it a try…they can handle it.
PEACE,
Pam Dake (Pamtastic)
