Pain & hurt change people. Good stuff changes people, too; it makes them lighter in a sense. Pain changes them on a heavier level, weighing them down. Pain & hurt, intentional or not, causes a wound. An emotional wound. It’s not visible to be seen. But mark my words, it’s there nonetheless. And like a physical boo-boo, it needs time to heal – sometimes with Triple Antibiotic ointment, sometimes with rubbing alcohol, and sometimes surgery is necessary. Obviously, there are differing levels of emotional injuries; they all take varying times and treatments to fully heal, and unfortunately some never quite fully heal. A broken leg takes longer to heal than a scraped knee. A broken leg may heal faster than a broken rib simply because the rib and the rib area are more sensitive or vulnerable.
Emotional injuries also create scar tissue much like a physical injury does. This scar tissue takes the form of self-protection or “masks” that people wear. Sometimes this self-protection occurs and the person is unaware that it has developed. This scar tissue/self-protection doesn’t happen overnight. Well, with intense and rare situations it may. The person may begin to shut down or pull away, retreating from situations, they may yell, scream, or cry. Certain circumstances can trigger this self-protection. Many times this is not in the control of the person until they are fully aware of it. Once aware, they may be able to take conscious steps toward changing their self-protections. The body and mind are incredible. They are designed for self-preservation. Much of this happens organically and without forethought.
In this world of “Me. Me. Me.”, we need to be mindful of “Others. Others. Others.” Our actions and choices have an impact on other people, situations, circumstances, events – whether we like it or not. There is always the “butterfly effect” with everything. You cannot move your hand thru the air without moving the air. You cannot touch standing water without creating ripples – butterfly effect. Your actions and choices carry the butterfly effect as well.
Imagine a person neglected and ignored, treated almost as an invisible being for years and years; not heard, not appreciated, not hugged, not loved. This person continues, year after year, doing their best to acquire a hug, a kind word, a gesture of love, some affection – but little to nothing is ever received. What do you think that person’s self-protection might look like to the outside world? First off, it may manifest itself as non-trusting and/or stand-offishness. Hesitancy in creating and cultivating and maybe even maintaining true friendships could be another manifestation. Self-doubt, low self-esteem, and minimal confidence are some others. Fear being the main manifestation. They may feel like they’re a fraud; not really knowing themselves anymore. This person has a deep fear that if he/she lets people get close, to truly see them – maybe on a “bad” day – then they run the risk of being neglected again. And that’s too much to bear, so they avoid.
What do you do when you encounter someone like this? The first reaction for many is to avoid this miserable unfriendly person, isn’t it? So sad. They say that it’s hard to hug a cactus, but sometimes the cactus is the one who needs the tightest hugs and yes, the most water for a while.
Might I suggest that you do some gentle digging when you repeatedly encounter this type of “cactus” person? Most people do not enjoy being cactuses and don’t even realize it when they are. Realize that some of these behaviors being displayed are self-protection, not directed at you specifically but everyone to remain “safe” and unhurt.
Remember, ‘hurt people, hurt people’. That can take on many different forms. We’re all so individual, from our appearances to our hair & eye color, to our emotions, to our reactions to events, to everything!!! What scares you may not scare someone else. No one reacts identically. Remember that.
So, the next time you think about “Me. Me. Me.” remember that the me-choices you make will and do IMPACT others. Keep that in mind. This is not to say that you bow down to everyone else and put your wants & needs on hold or at the bottom of the list (like most Moms and some Dads do). It simply means – BE MINDFUL. Cause & effect in everything.
